I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize