i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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