I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
