I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
