I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
