drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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