he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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