shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
