So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
