meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
