if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
