Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
