Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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