That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
as a side note pls kill me
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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