Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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