Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize