just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize