Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
