and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
porn star boner night. come get it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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