Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
