I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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