so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
