Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
