Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
