can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
