How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
