I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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