I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
