At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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