like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
