yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
