I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
