I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
