My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
