Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize