I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
