We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
