Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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