FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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