fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
