yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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