listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
