He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize