why didn't you poke me back
thus making me awesome and them whores
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
