I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
