Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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