Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
