Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
