Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
