You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
