Welp...herpes.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
