my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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