I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
