shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
