too bad you live with your parents still
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
