The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
