I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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