Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize