There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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