This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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