I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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