I'm sorry my penis didn't work
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
