so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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