Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
