I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
