I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
