so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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